CBD Doubt

 I harvested my two 5-foot tall hemp plants in September and dried the flowers. Then i packed three half-gallon jars with the sticky, dried flowers. In one half-gallon, i added coconut oil and set it in the basement for 2 months.

I looked and looked for recipes for CBD body creme. I asked advice. I found shea butter, cocoa butter, and beeswax in the DIY section of the food coop, along with almond oil and mango butter. But what to do with the ingredients?

Doubt stymies me every time. Some people just launch into new territory, but i am stumped by doubt. I used to call it procrastination, but that feels like a character flaw and another reason to beat myself up.

Now i call it Doubt and recognize this stuck-in-the-middle-ness as a hindrance. It feels like a hindrance; it feels like my way forward is blocked.

Eventually, i chose one recipe, one path forward. The next batch, i tried a different recipe. Good-bye doubt. Hello variety.

Doubting Tulips

 I ordered tulips last month--not to plant in the ground. When i don't know [fill-in-the-blank], i come to a complete halt. Doubt assails me.

Where would i plant tulips? Where could i plant tulips? I have no idea. I do not know.

It's interesting to realize that my obstacle is doubt. Previously i would have called it procrastination, but that carries a judgment. My bad, which pretty soon feels like i'm bad for not planting tulips.

But doubt is a different mind quality. Doubt is a worthy opponent. I watch its characteristics. I-don't-know mind  stops me in my tracks. 

Knowing the ways of the I-don't-know mind, i can predict when doubt will show up, and i can guess what will come next. In my case, it's dullness. One obstacle gives rise to another. If this happens in meditation, i doze off. If it happens in the garden, i forget the tulip bulbs.

But i've figured out a way around doubt. My work-around is to plant the tulips in pots and winter them over in the garage. I'll decide where to plant them next spring.

New Compost Bin At Long Last

I finally did a project yesterday, which had been waiting for 8 months. I rebuilt one of my three compost bins. Two compost bins were full of last fall's garden detritus. I use a third bin as compost for potting up plants i've divided from the garden. But that bin was completely empty. The pallets that make the bin were burned in the winter solstice bonfire.

Finally. Finally, i stopped procrastinating and went looking for pallets. This was the unpleasant task i dreaded. My usual sources of pallets had dried up, so now what?

As an introvert, i avoid making phone calls, except in those moments when i just pick up the phone and do it. I had managed to not drive the truck to town to scout out possible pallet sources; I'd rather drive my car to town.

So many avoidance strategies. Such a long line of unpleasant thoughts: need new bin; don't know where to find pallets; don't want to call and ask; don't want to take the time; don't want to stop and ask.

And then the day came. Someone told me where to find pallets. I drove there. I asked. I loaded up my truck. As simple as that.

Sumac Tea

My friend Trudy served  sumac tea and stinging nettle soup for lunch the other day. She's a great forager, so her freezer is full of wild things. She sent me home with a staghorn of sumac so i can make my own lemon-y tasting tea.

To make the tart sumac tea hot, take the sumac "berries" off the stem. Otherwise the boiling water will leach tannin from the stem into your tea.

Sumac trees are often considered to be weed trees, but i have come to like their short height (8-12 feet) and lovely shape as a backdrop to the garden. And their fall color is spectacular crimson.

Birders also report seeing robins and bluebirds eating the sumac berries all winter long.

We all have "weedy" thoughts that we'd like to chop down and get rid of. Sometimes they form the on-going backdrop of our mind. "What you resist, persists."

Let's love those weedy thoughts.
Name one or two of yours right now.
Irritation. Impatience. Lust. Frustration. Procrastination.

Then say,
I love myself as i am, irritated.
I love myself as i am, impatient.
I love myself as i am, lustful.
I love myself as i am, _____________. (Fill in the blank with whatever unlovable qualities you think you have.)

Yes. I even love myself as i am, feeling unlovable.

This is one way to make lemonade out of lemons.













Photos from trustedearth.com and teaandfood.com