Caribbean Milkweed

Here in the Caribbean, they grow BIG milkweed--about six feet tall with leaves as big as my hand. The purple-and-white star flowers are about an inch across, which is big for a milkweed.

Interesting that this toxic plant is named after the Greek god of medicine--Asclepius.

Sometimes we take a little bit of poison for a cure or as a prevention. Radiation and chemotherapy for instance. Or the blood thinner Coumadin, which is rat poison.

Several of my friends who have refused radiation have since sailed out into the ocean of life and death. Sometimes, Nature simply takes it course.

Poison as a Remedy

Monkshood -- Aconitum

Since i was coming down with a cold, which several other people in our tour group had already had, the tour leader gave me a homeopathic remedy--Hyland's Cold Tablets with Zinc. I dissolved 2 little tablets under my tongue. First, they dried out my mouth, then they dried out the drip, drip, drip.

I was surprised to read on the label Aconitum and Gelsemium--both of which are poisonous. Aconitum is monkshood, and Gelsemium comes from the Italian word for jasmine, also called jessamine in the southern states.

It's surprising that small doses of poison actually act as a remedy. Radiation and chemotherapy spring to mind as modern-day examples of poisons used to heal people.

In our daily lives, too much stress may finally lead us to the decision to simplify our lives. We eventually decide we would rather be happy than stressed; we prefer a peaceful mind to a stressful mind.

Cosmos Capris

Radiation is over! 7 weeks of driving to the hospital every day is done.

To celebrate, i wore my "new" (used) capris from the thrift store. I love these silky pants for their flower-full beauty--cosmos to be specific. I feel happy just wearing them, even tho they don't have pockets. Since i don't carry a pocketbook anymore, i depend on pockets. Oh, i do love pockets. I'll just have to sew in a secret pocket on the inside, like i do with my travel clothes.

Every good thing is accompanied by trouble. Beautiful new pants--without pockets.

Friends on the Same Path

Every weekday morning, a meditation friend, Rose, and i carpool 40 minutes to the hospital in Keene, New Hampshire for our radiation treatments. This is Rose's fourth bout with lymphoma. After 9 months of monthly chemotherapy, and, now, 5 weeks of radiation, her hair is growing back, so softly. Spending a couple of hours every day with my spiritual friend Rose is a godsend. The Buddha said that our spiritual friends are the entire spiritual path.

A certain camaraderie develops in the radiation waiting room, even though we're all sharing only small talk. Ron lives on the other side of New Hampshire, and i pass him every morning in the dressing room because his appointment is right after mine.

Yesterday was Ron's last day of radiation, and he brought a bucket of alstromeria for the 6 radiation technicians. He also gave a rose to Rose (ahem :) and a rose to me. Who better to share the joy of the end of radiation treatment than your radiation comrades? They KNOW, viscerally, what you're going through.

Research shows that people in cancer support groups live longer. This is an example of the value of friendship, the kind of friendship where you can talk about your deepest fears and deepest longings, and the other person KNOWS.

What's your deepest longing? What's your deepest fear? Spend some time with a spiritual friend today.

Radiating Kindness

A few lines from the Loving-Kindness chant often replay themselves in my mind. Perhaps you can guess why.

So, with a boundless heart

should one cherish all living beings,

RADIATING kindness over the entire world--

spreading upwards to the skies, 

and downwards to the depths,

outward and unbounded,

freed from hatred and ill-will.

Before they turn on the radiation machine, the radiation technicians leave the room and close the door. Although the radiation is focused on my right breast, bits of radiation are radiating over the entire room, without discrimination.

Can we radiate kindness--without discrimination? Can we radiate kindness, without expecting anything in return?

Filling Myself with Golden Light

I often lead a guided loving-kindness visualization called A Lotus in Your Heart.*

Imagine a lotus 
growing in your heart. 

From the center of this lotus streams forth golden light, 

filling you from head to toe with golden light. 

The warmth of this golden light surrounds you completely 

with a feeling of well-being and protection.

While i'm lying in the radiation machine every day, i imagine this golden light streaming from my heart, filling me from head to toe with golden light. As the radiation begins its 40-second arc over my chest (and heart), finally buzzing its last 10 seconds directed at the scar on the side of my right breast, i "feel" this golden light of well-being and protection throughout my body.

May all beings feel protected.
May all beings have ease of well-being.


* Here's Ayya Khema leading the meditation.

The 3 Marks of Life

I got 3 tattoos yesterday. On my right breast. At the radiation department at the hospital. The tattoos are simply little black dots used to line up the radiation equipment when i start my daily radiation treatments 10 days from now.

Now i am "marked for life." These tiny tattoos remind me that cancer is a deadly serious opponent. They remind me that the cause of death is birth. The cause of death is life.

1 of 3 tattoos (plus freckles)

According to the Buddha, this very unsatisfactoriness is one of the 3 "marks" of existence, one of the 3 characteristics of life. This unsatisfactoriness causes us stress as we look away, resist, resist, and try, vainly, to find some other escape out of our predicament.

As much as we try to avert our eyes, our bodies are headed in one direction, and one direction only: Death.

Notice the unpleasant feeling of that word: Death.
Notice the unsatisfactoriness that arises from that unpleasantness.

I have 3 tattooed marks to remind me of the Buddha's wisdom.